Friday, January 27, 2017

Yesterday is NOW


the ache and longing never ends

to encompass the beloved

the other

the wanting obsessively of

the cherished

now evaporated

atomised through time - space - air

choices were made long ago

locking out the sprite

locking out inner voices

someone was there

now only leaving

leaving only

ethereal visions

dreamscapes

and threads

of silken memories

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

MASK

a true personality masked

by the delicate sprite

that lives a fantasy

under a mushroom

dreaming of saving

all forms of life

chewing on a green leaf

surrounded by natural beauty

feeding imagination

a white plastered mask

with coal black

slits for eyes

and greasy red lips

masking withered measled

shrunken brown earth teeth

may or may not be your reality

but it is mine in memory

Monday, January 23, 2017

In The Shadows

you stand in
the alleycat lanes
of shadows
light flickers
dances on and off

you hissing
at the competition
waiting for
the next punter
a plastic smile
plastered across
your face

someone's someone
must pay
for services rendered
no one must speak
of this
secret tryst
it is an act
a show

I give you
thanks
as it
sets me free
for my
butterfly dreams
and time to make
and time to sew
stars into
my eyes and cover
misty moments
with no words
just deeds



Sunday, January 22, 2017

AT MY MOTHERS KNEE

At my Mothers knee that was frequently encased in a fine transparent 20 denier nylon stocking. I knew this fact because it was me that walked along the main highroad to purchase them for her.

I would enter the tiny shabby post war shop that was filled to the brim with sensible underwear, nothing to risky early post war years. The plump middle aged lady would look down on me from the other side of her glass counter. I would ask for a pair of Bear brand nylons and she would open the flat squarish boxes of several different shades of brown hose and a variety of deniers onto her counter. She would delicately pull back the tissue paper, so I could choose the ones Mum would prefer. I became pretty good at this from a very early age and when it came to my time to wear them - I knew exactly the ones I wanted.

You see there was never time for me to actually sit at my Mothers knee because she was always working, a woman who had a heart condition left with her from a bout of rheumatic fever as a child. She had survived the London Blitz but sadly lost my Father who was also inflicted with a similar heart condition and never made it through the war, in fact they were advised not to have children at all. The life lessons I learned from her example, were to keep living regardless and work hard to support myself and then in turn my children.
Mum was always busy; I don't remember her ever having a holiday. She did take me to Paris for a few days once but it was for some Hairdressing Competitions that she was required to be at for business purposes, we did get to see a show with the incomparable Josephine Baker.
Mum was an honest, feisty woman with a heart of gold; if someone was in trouble she would give them a hand up. She would provide work for people that she felt needed it, but wouldn't put up with dishonesty, they would soon be down the road if this occurred.
She believed to succeed in a career in life you had to be single minded; it was extremely important to have excellent presentation of yourself and whatever it was that you were selling.

Being a flamboyant and humorous person, she was often attracted to colourful and unusual characters that she would befriend, she enjoyed the company of people from all walks of life.

As well as working hard she did enjoy her one and a half days off a week. I enjoyed those precious times spent with her, except when she arranged to meet me at a bus stop and never turned up for hours, her time keeping was not that flash. When she did eventually show her face we would go to nice places for afternoon tea and cake like Fullers Tea shop at the back of Jaegers in Regent Street. I still can taste their fabulous coffee walnut cake, nothing in my lifetime has ever come close to that melt in the mouth delight. Then we would go on to C&A known as Coats an 'Ats and maybe buy a coat for me and something new for Mum. On Sundays we'd catch a Green-line Bus and go out of London to see some historical place in the country or in summer maybe take a River Boat on the Thames to Q Gardens or Greenwich. As a very special treat we would go on a train to Southend or Brighton, that would be a real adventure.

Mum and I loved the seaside, she loved the cockles, mussels and the whelks with lots of pepper and vinegar, can't say I ever got the hang of those, my preference was the sticky pink candy floss on a stick and the hot chips wrapped in newspaper. For all her busy life she taught me so much about how to embrace every moment and her love for me was endless. My beautiful, wonderful, wise Mother, my protector, my nurturer. A true warrior when she needed to be, she was so much more than just a pair of knees encased in her Bear brand 20 denier Nylons.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

January Again


Here we are in January again at the start of a very different year for me as I will be welcoming home my very own family. I feel so elated and so much of the heavy sadness I carried around with me is already falling away. Growing old can be a very lonely time for many people when their own flesh and blood move far away. Of course I have been able to fill my life with all these creative activities like my little brooches above, so I guess I have been one of the lucky ones. Fortunate to be able to dig deep inside the corridors of my mind to create and make something by turning my negative and angry feelings into something positive. Some days I am amazed that I am still here as we have lost so many younger talented people in 2016. So I do feel obliged to keep going and doing while I am still around.

I do get lazy sometimes and have to give myself a good talking to and a kick up the you know where to  get some more painting done or some writing. This week I go back to The Auckland Art Gallery to do another mending session hosting for Lee Mingwei and then the following week I have a few lines in a short movie which I am looking forward to. Filming is a very interesting medium as it brings together so many different artistic skills. The script is well written so it will be a good learning curve. Bring on 2017 lets hope it is a good one.